i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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