I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
