so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
