I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Randomize
