im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
