So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
