I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
