I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize