we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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