when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
