i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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