dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
