they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
