i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
