We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
