I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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