it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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