Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
