she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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