Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize