My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Randomize
