So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
