then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Holy shit dude........stairs
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
