it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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