He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
