i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
