He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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