so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Randomize
