I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
