I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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