you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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