I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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