Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
