She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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