So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
