That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
