I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
