At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize