So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize