i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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