he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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