just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize