Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
