Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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