Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
