Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
