It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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