At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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