Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
