Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
