gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
