There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
