There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
