i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
