I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
