youre lurking in front of me
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
