Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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