sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
