I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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