were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
