so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
we should paint friendship bongs
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
