woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize