i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
