I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
