I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
